I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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