Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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