thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
