walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Less talking, more tequila
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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