Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
