I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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