Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
