she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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