i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
