I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize