my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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