He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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