is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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