after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
