Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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