Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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