Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
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ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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