I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
