So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
