there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
