I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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