End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
