The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
