yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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