so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
