i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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