The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
