i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
