ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize