Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
