Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
