oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
