I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish you could order shots online.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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