How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
