OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
