She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How does it feel to date your dad?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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