I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
