I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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