I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
