Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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