I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
