i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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