I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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