he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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