He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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