Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
