I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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