and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
