Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
