I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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