Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
