I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
