He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
