This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize