You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
