U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
