his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
