so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
