I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
