; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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