That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize