I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
