So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
