that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
