Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
