I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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