Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
